I am a lover of all things book and the written word. As a child, I was precocious and very curious. Thankfully, my father had a great passion for reading and ensured that I, along with my siblings, understood the importance of literacy and that it was something never to be taken for granted. “Many of our ancestors gave their lives for the right to read,” my father would often preach. I wanted to know what he was talking about. Why and how could this happen? In addition, my brain was alive with princesses, dragons, and secret gardens I got to meet often through what remains one of my greatest and most enduring loves, books.

Much of my advanced vocabulary, ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings, empathy for others, and sharp view of the world around me was a direct result of the abundance of books afforded me. I was a proud card-carrying member of the library! I loved checking out Puff the Magic Dragon with its accompanying record tucked in the back (yes, I am proudly dating myself), The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett and Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor.

These books and many others whisked this little Black girl from small city Portland, Oregon to unknown lands of epic trials and triumphs. The ability to read, write, comprehend, and decode the written word was just the beginning. The pure enjoyment of reading was the vehicle that aided me and will ultimately do so for our students today; expanding their minds to the immeasurable possibilities for connection with each other and the world around them.

As the Director of Content Development for Friendzy, a Social Emotional Learning (SEL) program for K-8 students, I continue my literacy evangelizing. After all, I am the daughter of a preacher! Research has shown that reading supports SEL. At Friendzy we frame our SEL literacy supports through five distinct frameworks:

1. Learning social-emotional skills. Reading helps children gain a greater understanding of emotions, which can help them understand their own emotions and those of others.
2. Develop empathy. Reading a story creates space for kids to imagine themselves inside the story. This allows them to develop empathy as they experience the lives of other characters and can identify with how they are feeling.
3. Practice perspective-taking. Reading allows children to learn about a wide array of people, places, and events that they may not otherwise experience.
4. Improve cognitive development. Reading provides children with a deeper understanding of the world and fills their brains with a wide range of knowledge. They then use this acquired knowledge to make sense of what they see, hear and read.
5. Builds relationships and connections. Reading brings a classroom of students together for a shared adventure. It  also provides parents with an opportunity to have dedicated time with their children. Reading together provides kids with feelings of connection, attention and is nourishing to the soul.

​These key components shift the literacy lens from simply learning to read to reading to learn with great enthusiasm. As an author and educator, I tell my students and the students I meet at school visits when you open up a book, you open up the world. I was given this gift early on and my job is to pay it forward!

For more information on this article and other  literacy supports visit
Kids Read Now or Friendzy

When We Say the Word Discipline, Ha!  When we even THINK the word discipline, for many of us the immediate and very real thought is:  spankings, tappings, whoopings  or definitely some form of physical force!  But I encourage you today to see discipline through a different lens:  the lens of goals and accomplishments for your child's overall character, motivation, approach to behavior, consequence and the world around him.  Beyond your historical paradigm and the world you knew.

​It's all about goals.  Mom, if your goal is to  get your son to stop hitting his sister or his friend at school, hitting "him" may not be as effective.  Dad, if the goal is to get your daughter to stop yelling inappropriately and use her quiet voice, you guessed it, yelling at "her" may not be the best practice as we are the models of behavior for our children.

​I understand that because you choose physical discipline does not mean you are on the wrong side of the parent pendulum, however considering alternatives to  our approach must go well beyond the simplistic idea of  "behavior modification" to the progressive lens of who we want our children to be in the world.  What virtues do we wish them to exhibit not only with us but when they are apart from us.  And lastly, what do we want them to value, not only for this moment but, on into adulthood.   To that effect here are four simple tools to help you begin:

1. Persistence - Consistent, realistic, & effective consequences
2. Patience - Find your rhythm.  It’s a marathon not a sprint
3. Preservation - Learn how to discipline without increasing your blood pressure
4. Problem Solving - Creatively find healthy solutions to difficult challenges

​There is a certain kind human being every parent wishes to deliver safely to the world:  one that is kind, confident, capable and problem solving.  Let your practices be models to help them successfully do so!

I missed the training this morning!  How did I do that?  Really.   How does the facilitator of the training miss the training! 

I’m checking Iman’s hot temp as I get the call from my cool, but deliberate colleague:  Valarie, where are you?    Me: Pardon me?
(I listen, listen, listen)  Arrrgggh! 

That was hours ago and my mental butt is still sore from the hundred times I’ve kicked it since then. I take my work seriously and a misstep of this magnitude was pretty devastating particularly because this was a training, Misconceptions About Black Parents,  this school “wanted” to talk about (collective hand clap), I’ve got lots of expertise in this area J, AND I work for an organization that walks, talks, and breathes such subjects all the time. 

However I am saved (crowd wildly applauds). They’re willing to reschedule and I get to take a moment and share what I wanted to share this morning and that is:

There are some fantastic parents out there holding up this world by simply loving, blessing, educating and fiercely protecting their babies.  This is no small feat in our “#blacklives versus #allives matter” society.

You are courageous
You are beautiful
You are strong
If you were a celebrity you would be on the cover of Ebony
If you were in the military you would be awarded a gold star
If you were a writer, you’d win the Pulitzer
If you were an artist they’d place you right beside Romare Bearden
But you are a PARENT, raising God’s most precious creation, and because of this you are a partner in His Kingdom!

Wisdom:
You have the most important job on the planet, delivering a black child safely to an uncertain and doubtful world where their worth, beauty and abilities will be challenged, and you’re ROCKING it. Go on with your bad self!