When We Say the Word Discipline, Ha!  When we even THINK the word discipline, for many of us the immediate and very real thought is:  spankings, tappings, whoopings  or definitely some form of physical force!  But I encourage you today to see discipline through a different lens:  the lens of goals and accomplishments for your child's overall character, motivation, approach to behavior, consequence and the world around him.  Beyond your historical paradigm and the world you knew.

​It's all about goals.  Mom, if your goal is to  get your son to stop hitting his sister or his friend at school, hitting "him" may not be as effective.  Dad, if the goal is to get your daughter to stop yelling inappropriately and use her quiet voice, you guessed it, yelling at "her" may not be the best practice as we are the models of behavior for our children.

​I understand that because you choose physical discipline does not mean you are on the wrong side of the parent pendulum, however considering alternatives to  our approach must go well beyond the simplistic idea of  "behavior modification" to the progressive lens of who we want our children to be in the world.  What virtues do we wish them to exhibit not only with us but when they are apart from us.  And lastly, what do we want them to value, not only for this moment but, on into adulthood.   To that effect here are four simple tools to help you begin:

1. Persistence - Consistent, realistic, & effective consequences
2. Patience - Find your rhythm.  It’s a marathon not a sprint
3. Preservation - Learn how to discipline without increasing your blood pressure
4. Problem Solving - Creatively find healthy solutions to difficult challenges

​There is a certain kind human being every parent wishes to deliver safely to the world:  one that is kind, confident, capable and problem solving.  Let your practices be models to help them successfully do so!

I missed the training this morning!  How did I do that?  Really.   How does the facilitator of the training miss the training! 

I’m checking Iman’s hot temp as I get the call from my cool, but deliberate colleague:  Valarie, where are you?    Me: Pardon me?
(I listen, listen, listen)  Arrrgggh! 

That was hours ago and my mental butt is still sore from the hundred times I’ve kicked it since then. I take my work seriously and a misstep of this magnitude was pretty devastating particularly because this was a training, Misconceptions About Black Parents,  this school “wanted” to talk about (collective hand clap), I’ve got lots of expertise in this area J, AND I work for an organization that walks, talks, and breathes such subjects all the time. 

However I am saved (crowd wildly applauds). They’re willing to reschedule and I get to take a moment and share what I wanted to share this morning and that is:

There are some fantastic parents out there holding up this world by simply loving, blessing, educating and fiercely protecting their babies.  This is no small feat in our “#blacklives versus #allives matter” society.

You are courageous
You are beautiful
You are strong
If you were a celebrity you would be on the cover of Ebony
If you were in the military you would be awarded a gold star
If you were a writer, you’d win the Pulitzer
If you were an artist they’d place you right beside Romare Bearden
But you are a PARENT, raising God’s most precious creation, and because of this you are a partner in His Kingdom!

Wisdom:
You have the most important job on the planet, delivering a black child safely to an uncertain and doubtful world where their worth, beauty and abilities will be challenged, and you’re ROCKING it. Go on with your bad self!