When We Say the Word Discipline, Ha! When we even THINK the word discipline, for many of us the immediate and very real thought is: spankings, tappings, whoopings or definitely some form of physical force! But I encourage you today to see discipline through a different lens: the lens of goals and accomplishments for your child's overall character, motivation, approach to behavior, consequence and the world around him. Beyond your historical paradigm and the world you knew.
It's all about goals. Mom, if your goal is to get your son to stop hitting his sister or his friend at school, hitting "him" may not be as effective. Dad, if the goal is to get your daughter to stop yelling inappropriately and use her quiet voice, you guessed it, yelling at "her" may not be the best practice as we are the models of behavior for our children.
I understand that because you choose physical discipline does not mean you are on the wrong side of the parent pendulum, however considering alternatives to our approach must go well beyond the simplistic idea of "behavior modification" to the progressive lens of who we want our children to be in the world. What virtues do we wish them to exhibit not only with us but when they are apart from us. And lastly, what do we want them to value, not only for this moment but, on into adulthood. To that effect here are four simple tools to help you begin:
1. Persistence - Consistent, realistic, & effective consequences
2. Patience - Find your rhythm. It’s a marathon not a sprint
3. Preservation - Learn how to discipline without increasing your blood pressure
4. Problem Solving - Creatively find healthy solutions to difficult challenges
There is a certain kind human being every parent wishes to deliver safely to the world: one that is kind, confident, capable and problem solving. Let your practices be models to help them successfully do so!
It's all about goals. Mom, if your goal is to get your son to stop hitting his sister or his friend at school, hitting "him" may not be as effective. Dad, if the goal is to get your daughter to stop yelling inappropriately and use her quiet voice, you guessed it, yelling at "her" may not be the best practice as we are the models of behavior for our children.
I understand that because you choose physical discipline does not mean you are on the wrong side of the parent pendulum, however considering alternatives to our approach must go well beyond the simplistic idea of "behavior modification" to the progressive lens of who we want our children to be in the world. What virtues do we wish them to exhibit not only with us but when they are apart from us. And lastly, what do we want them to value, not only for this moment but, on into adulthood. To that effect here are four simple tools to help you begin:
1. Persistence - Consistent, realistic, & effective consequences
2. Patience - Find your rhythm. It’s a marathon not a sprint
3. Preservation - Learn how to discipline without increasing your blood pressure
4. Problem Solving - Creatively find healthy solutions to difficult challenges
There is a certain kind human being every parent wishes to deliver safely to the world: one that is kind, confident, capable and problem solving. Let your practices be models to help them successfully do so!
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